Bartender Cheat Sheets

I came across these bartender cheat sheets the other day as I was thinking about learning something new. ( It looks like I even wrote notes on what the letters on the drink gun stood for. ) I mean, I sure as heck don’t know what is in most drinks I see out there. Could you tell a bartender how to make your favorite drink?
I was a bartender once ages ago during Mardi Gras in New Orleans. It was awful. I didn’t know anything about the bar. I do remember a few things though.

• Someone ordered a, “Madras.” I looked at him and asked him, “…like the kind you sleep on?” (I thought he said, “Mattress.”) Now I know and would pour him some vodka, cranberry and orange juice.
• One guy ordered a, “Gin & Juice” and I asked what kind of juice. #FAIL
• One night, someone asked for a “Black Bitch” and I thought he meant the cleaning lady and told him she didn’t come in ‘til the morning. Oops. Now I know that a “Black Bitch” is cola and vodka. …and that a “Skinny Black Bitch” is diet cola and vodka.
• Another guy ordered a New Orleans Hurricane and didn’t know what the fuck to do. I just looked at the well, picked every alternating liquor out of the well tray and then added orange and cranberry for the color. I didn’t hear a complaint. He could have died from that concoction though.
• I just kept praying that as anyone approached the bar, that they would order a drink with the name of the ingredients in it, like “Red Bull and Vodka.” …and that I wouldn’t panic and ask something like, “What’s in that 

Call Brandon Baker to host your next bar. *wink*

Bartender, Bartender

I am in my office on Saturday and getting a lot of work done. ...but I also want to keep a perspective on my blog too.

So Rusty is thinking about being a bartender somewhere. I think he'd be good for the most part. He's very cute and seductive at times, so that's a definite plus. Plus, he can still be social and in control which I think he needs. (...but that's just me.)

I was going to see if I can help him and then I thought, what if things have changed or this is wrong? I could fuck up his first impressions and ideas, so I decided it best not to step in on this one and let him kick-it off on his own. He's perfectly capable, but I hate to see him waste time. (Trust me, I see what he does with time and I wish I could give him more.)
However, I called some friends who work in the bar industry as bartenders, bar owners and bar managers today to verify some of this and yes, it's not changed that much.

This is some printed material that I used when I was a bartender at 'Cafe Lafitte's in Exile' in New Orleans that I found very helpful and that I still keep to this day.

The first document on the left is a "CHEAT SHEET" that I really might not be alive today without. Thank you God for that ink and paper. It might have saved my life.
I treat these like a sort of parchment, basic script, or "charter" that I had for bartending that now, I wanted to share it and make everyone else's life more fun too. ...even Rusty.

The other alphabet thing is the notes I wrote for the bar gun.
It's what the one letter codes on the bar gun did. What the fuck was going to come out of the "C" one when I first held it up like one of Charlie's Angels. First mistake. ...and not my last.
We did have one messed up button though. In most establishments, the "T" is for tonic and the "Q" is for "Diet Cola."
The "L" for 7-Up or Sprite? Why? ...someone told me "lemon-lime." Okay, it's all coming together now. Someone crossed the lines probably a few hundred years ago when they installed the ancient thing and no one undid it. They did tell me, most places and the one new station in the bar, that's opposite.
Nowadays, there is usually a picture or logo of what you will be shooting out when you press it, but it's good to learn the basics and the theory right?

You can see the handwritten recipe on the far right in the top corner for the "Mind Eraser" was a popular drink in New Orleans, they quickly and immediately told me that I would be making lots of so I had the recipe from the get-go. (...that explains it huh? ..that's why I can't remember anything these days.)

I had no idea about bartending, so yea, why not hire the rookie to be in the premium position right? I seriously think they hired me just to say they had a porn star that worked there, but it was a good three month run let me tell you. We had a "Dress Code" but somehow every violation I had never resulted in any disciplinary action. (In fact, it was quite the opposite.)
Here are a few anecdotes that I recall well;

• I recall one specific time when I heard for the first time, "I'll take a madras." I immediately replied, "...you mean like the one that you sleep on? Honey, this is not that kind of....oh." It sounded like he said, "...mattress."
• ...and no lie, my general rule of thumb was, "...when someone orders a hurricane, just grab every alternating clear liquor in the well and pour the together. Add cranberry for color at the end." not once did someone return it and I don't know if they were ever the same concoction with just grabbing every other bottle in the liquor well.
• I always prayed that they would order a drink that had the name of the drink in the title. It was so much easier to order a "Vodka and Cranberry" then to have to figure out where "Cape Cod" was and if that was the one with the friggin' lime.
• We had a green sticker on the bottles that I had to press the green button on the cash register for. I mean, if I poured a more expensive brand, I would know because it had a red sticker on it. I would head over to the cash register and hit the red key and be fine. However, it was dark, blue and green started looking alike and I think God over and over it wasn't a game of twister. I think if you ordered the same drink every time from me, it would have been a different price depending on the way the light hit the well.

We had to switch shifts each week, so while I worked at the less crowded upstairs bar to begin with, I moved downstairs to the main bar facing Bourbon in about two weeks.
Good times, busy times and lucrative times is only the beginning.

• One day after I first started I took my father out to lunch in the French Quarter. When I want to pay, naturally, it was with many one dollar bills. (...just like when I used to dance on the bar.) He said, "Get those off the table, I know where they have been." and I was so glad to say, "You know my tip bucket?" instead of blushing because he knew what was going on.
  

I don't miss the bartending position very much. I miss the hotel positions much more. It was fun and very social, I like that part. ...and many of the bartenders I know automatically roll into a sexy role just because of the job they have. I like that part too. I met LOTS of people. ...and I can thank that very bar for several of the people I still deal with today each week.
I hope I am able to go with Rusty and Angel to bartending school just because I want to have that much more knowledge and security - that's what I want to pour a big glass of. *wink*